在我們寫文章時(shí)都要進(jìn)行一次修改，在這里SAT寫作開頭怎么修改，下面一起分享一下。
開頭段要素回顧
1 回答問題
2 解釋
3 結(jié)構(gòu)提示
話題一：Does fame bring happiness, or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy?
學(xué)生文章
1）In my opinion, though the joy of life depends entirely on personal view to the world, fame are easier to bring happiness than ordinary people.
問題：
1 .這個(gè)句子的“雖然但是”之間的邏輯有問題。
2 .fame不可數(shù)，比較對象有問題。
修改：From my point of view, it is easier for the wealthy to obtain happiness than ordinary people.
2）Due to fame people can earn enough money to do whatever they would like to do. However, ordinary person may be worried about starvation and medical expense. I will take my friend for an example.
問題：
1. whatever 太絕對。
2. however, 這個(gè)詞表示但是，主要用作插入語。表示但是還可以用By contrast, on the contrary。
3. 舉例子的詞組單調(diào)了，a good case in point is that…; A typical/perfect/convincing/persuasive example can be found in …; to illustrate 等等都可以表示要舉例子。
修改：體現(xiàn)對比（選擇類）
Fame could render a person more able to earn money so as to do things that he really prefers. By contrast, an ordinary man may have to struggle with various difficulties resulting from poverty, which discourages him from doing things that could really improve his sense of happiness.
話題二：Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame and power?
這是一個(gè)比較難的題目，良心還是錢？寫這個(gè)題目大部分同學(xué)的問題就是比較空。
給大家一些思路：做國際學(xué)校網(wǎng)的老師也面對良心和錢的對抗。是為了賺錢多講段子，還是時(shí)刻謹(jǐn)記師德好好講干貨。我覺得賺錢的喜悅時(shí)短暫的，講好知識遵循師德做事的快樂才是長久的。
學(xué)生文章
1）In my opinion, conscience is a more powerful motivator than money, fame or money, as conscience is a guiding star hiding deeply inside our mind and a rule set by ourselves leading us to a place where we should be.
分析：其實(shí)寫的不錯(cuò)了，很有意境美，但是意思還可以更明確。
修改：
1. I maintain that conscience does have a more powerful motivation compared with money and fame.
2. Admittedly, people who work for wealth and reputation may have a greater chance of experiencing advantages when they start out. However, it is what one does according to one’s conscience that determines long-term life satisfaction.
3. The example of a teacher in Beijing New Oriental School serves as a typical example.
2）As far as I am concerned, conscience does have more powerful motivation. It is considered as a standard of reality and can easily be shown（太絕對）. I always keep my conscience in mind so that I never （有點(diǎn)執(zhí)拗的可愛）cheat in the tests. I want to get higher goals, but I cannot leave my conscience behind.
分析：很可愛的同學(xué)，她是個(gè)很有良心的人，盡管想拿高分。不管從說理角度說個(gè)人因素太強(qiáng)了點(diǎn)，會顯得有些幼稚。
修改：Conscience serves as a morality standard in almost every student’s heart.
To be more specific, if you comply with the rule of exam, you may feel clear and comfortable. But when you violate it, your guilt might haunt you forever despite the initial happiness brought by cheating.
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